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Scared to Lose

Here I am 36 years old and weigh 286lbs. I’m on Weight Watchers but struggling to lose any weight. My husband and I had a long talk and I think I’m scared to be thin again. You see when I was 20 I was still living with my dad the last of 6 kids. My mothering having died just three years prior. It was just my dad and I for a while. I weighed 133lbs. My dad met this man on Paltalk and my dad went to Canada to visit him. Then my dad brought this man back to the house. My dad told me he was on probation but never told me what for. Before long my underwear went missing and he was taking photos of me all the time. I remember feeling real uncomfortable but didn’t know why. I later learned he was a pedophile. My fear increased and I felt i had nowhere to go. Now today I struggle to loser weight out of fear of being that thin again. What if the same thing happens, like someone takes a picture of me. I’m scared and need to work through therapy to get through this. I have therapy on friday so I will talk about it then.

Are you struggling to lose weight? Look through your life experiences and see if there is something standing in your way.

God bless you on your weight loss journey.

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Recipes

0 Point Banana “Brownies”

Okay, so I found a recipe for 0 point banana pancakes, but I messed with it a bit and decided to try “brownies” instead.

I took an immersion blender and blended about 7 small bananas with about 6 eggs. Then sprinkled in nutmeg and cinnamon and poured in some Hershey’s sugar free chocolate syrup.  So I had that all blended and took a ladle, filled it, and poured it into a hot pan. I let it bubble up through like you do for regular pancakes and then tried to flip it. But I it fell apart and I got a big heaping mess. So, with my thinking gear working, I decided to pour the batter into a greased square casserole dish. I baked it at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. I really should have baked them longer for about 30 minutes, but they still turned out good and held their shape.

Now I’d add the recipe but trust me this recipe still needs some work. So once I have the final version ready I’ll repost it with the recipe. Something to consider here is the texture of the these little chocolate banana “brownies” is that it’s dense and eggy on the bottom and lighter and creamier on the top. I’m trying to see if I can get it to be more custard like. It might be hard since the eggs are lighter than the bananas. I have some ideas so I’ll try those and see what happens.

Feel free to leave any suggestions to try in the comments.

weight loss

Fatigue and Excess Weight

Yesterday, I went to the doctor’s office complaining of fatigue. Now I have fibromyalgia and thought for sure I would hear the doctor say it was all related to having fibromyalgia. He said it was part of it but another is caring around the 100+ pounds of extra weight. He referred me to having surgical weight loss due to the amount of weight I needed to lose that Weight Watchers would take a long time to lose. Right now all of my organs are operating well and there are no big concerns except for the weight and that it is make my life significantly harder to live.

My doctor did say to continue to lose as much weight as a I can as it will make the surgery  easier and have less chance of complications.

The first time my doctor made a referral to surgical weight loss I said no and that I would try it myself. Well I got 10 pounds down but I really struggled knowing that I had so much to lose and that it would take me over a year to lose it all.  And even then I wasn’t sure I could do it. I was just hoping I could. So last night’s dinner wasn’t all that appealing:

salad

Just a salad with ice berg lettuce, an apple cut up, diced chicken breast, two clementines, 1 tsp of grated Parmesan cheese and 2 tablespoons fat free Catalina Dressing.

Yes, I started back on Weight Watchers again to try and lose what I can on my own. So this salad only had 4 smart points from the cheese and the dressing. This salad is pretty small and bland from what I usually eat but that’s because I need to go shopping for more foods I can eat while doing WW.

So that is where I stand right now. And I’ll keep updating the blog as a I go. Perhaps I’ll fill it with recipes I think you’ll enjoy and just general updates on how I’m doing with my weight.

Of course, if you have a weight loss story, or struggle with weight loss, I’d be happy to hear from you. You can leave me a comment or send me an email at jansweightlossjourney@gmail.com

weight loss

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me! I have decided to start a blog to help me on my weight loss journey. Right now I weight about 280 pounds and I am looking to get down to 120 pounds. I have fibromyalgia so I can overdo exercise or I’ll bring on more pain, but I do do Leslie Sansone’s walk at home every morning and it’s a 1 mile walk. I don’t have the energy to to do two miles. At least not yet.  I am hoping by keeping this blog I’ll be more mindful of what I’m doing each day to help myself lose weight, especially as I share tips and photos with you.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Here are a couple of before pictures:

Before    Before Side

 

So there you have it. That is what I look like right now. I’m determined to make a difference! I can’t stand the way I look and I’m not going to settle for this.

So who’s with  me? Who wants to make a difference in your life and lose that weight?!

If you’re looking for weight loss support feel free to email at: jansweightlossjourney@gmail.com