weight loss

Hate My Body!

On November 15, 2018 there were parent/teacher conferences going on at my daughter’s school. Our scheduled time was 6:30PM. That’s fine. But what I was worried about was how far I’d have to walk because I knew that if I had to walk a long distance my hips, my lower back, and my feet would hurt. I would also be breathless as I tried to move this 300lb body through the parking lot and down the hallways to her teacher’s room.

At first I was okay but then we just kept walking and I was struggling before we made it the teacher’s room. Thankfully there were chairs placed right outside her door and I took full advantage of one. After about 8 minutes we were called inside and the teacher went over how our daughter was doing in school and she was doing great. Even at a higher reading level than her current grade.

So after that we left and I had to huff and puff my way through hallways, through the parking lot and finally back into the car. I looked at my husband and said, “I can’t do this again.” But then I knew just next week I am going to a weight loss clinic to help me lose all of this weight. My husband wasn’t worried. I”m not saying I was but he had no idea how ashamed and ugly I felt.

I had images of stabbing my body until this fatty outer shell fell off and the thin real me came forth. I know how I got this big, but I didn’t understand it as it was happening. But I can stop it from getting any worse and that is what I’m going to do next week after I get some help in this area. There is no shame in saying you need help to lose weight. Sometimes it’s just harder going it alone. A good support system is key even if your support comes from your medical team who is helping you lose the weight. If you can get family and friends to support you too that is great!

So yeah, I was really hating my body last night and felt horrible. As we were walking through the halls I was afraid my daughter would see someone she knew and they would say something about me being so fat and that it would hurt my daughter or worse yet that my daughter would agree with the other kid! Yikes! That would hurt.

But my kids are another reason I am losing the weight. The first reason is me. I have to do this for me because I’m always doing things for my family and I really need to care for myself. Losing the weight is what I have chosen to do. Wish me luck!

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weight loss

Non Surgical Weight Loss Clinic

Okay so my doctor wanted me to have surgical weight loss but you have to go through talking to a lot of people and lose a certain amount of weight before you can even get the surgery done. Then you talk to a surgeon. You have to be emotionally stable and out of the hospital for one year. I ended up in the hospital for depression and so not eligible for the surgery. All I can think of is that it must be something that is really intense that you need to make sure you are stable for it.

I told my doctor I didn’t think I could psychologically go through with the surgical weight loss. So he referred me to the non surgical weight loss clinic. They have several ways to help you lose weight and they go by BMI which mine is like 51 which is morbidly obese. Yes, I weight just over 300 lbs and I’m not happy about it. This is the highest weight I’ve ever been at. And no I don’t eat junk food, I eat balanced meals as much as I can. I really try to do my best but no one is perfect. I have the weight of two pregnancies on me plus the weight of emotional eating when I was in pain from fibromyalgia though I didn’t know I had it then. I just knew I was in pain and I was also dealing with depression. So those two things didn’t help. I just ate and ate and at the time all I was aware of was my pain, both physical and mental. I didn’t know how much I was eating. And with the physical pain I could get up and move around a lot. It just hurt too much. So with not moving around much the weight  just piled on.

Still to this day I struggle with fibromyalgia though I am on Lyrica for pain I can get up and do things more than I could before. Now it’s just he fatigue that gets me not wanting to do anything but rest and/or sleep. But I know I am going to have to exercise once I go to this non surgical weight loss clinic.

Here are the options they give:

If you are overweight (BMI 25-30) or have mild obesity (BMI 30-35) you may always  choose a lifestyle change and stop the weight gain and achieve a consistent weight loss. This can be achieved with help of many formal group diets and exercise programs.

In the higher ranges of obesity or in people with mild obesity associated with health issues like diabetes, sleep apnea, ect., more rapid and effective weight loss may be needed to help with the health issues and stop the harm to the body, before the damages become irreversible. Of course, lifestyle changes will still be essential for weight los and maintenance, and long term success.

Medical treatment such as Very Low Calorie and Low Calorie Diets can be used for any one with obesity (BMI more than 30) or overweight individuals who have BMI between 27-30 and suffer from weight related medical problems.

It has to be pointed out that for people with Morbid Obesity (BMI of 40 and above) or grade 2 obesity (BMI 35-40) with weight related health issues, surgical weight loss has shown the best and most durable results.

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So that’s it. Now what’s my BMI you ask? It’s 57.1 so yeah I’m morbidly obese. Now they say that people with that high of a BMI they recommend surgery. I don’t want to go through surgery. But they also recommended that for those with high BMI AND health issues. I don’t have health issues at this point. So since I don’t have those health issues I wonder….what will they choose for my weight loss plan? I’ll keep you posted.

weight loss

CT Scan

A little while back my doctor had me go to the hospital and have a CT Scan on my abdomen to see if there may be something going on that could be causing me to lose and gain so much weight.

So I was nervous going into the hospital because I had no idea where I was going, but thankfully my husband was with me and he asked the receptionist how to get there. So in the room for CT Scan patients, I went up to the desk and got signed in and got a lovely plastic bracelet. Then I sat in the waiting room until I was called back.

Once I was called back, I sat in this chair with a movable arm like one where you get your blood drawn. I had a nurse put in the plastic tube into my vein for the IV they would need to use to inject a dye into my body. But before that would come I had to drink a Crystal Light like drink. I drank that and then went back into the waiting room for about 45 minutes. Then I was giving more of the Crystal Light drink which was really another type of dye they were giving me. I waited about another fifteen minutes and I was called back again this time to do the CT Scan.

I was brought into a room where the CT machine was and I crawled onto the bed portion and laid down. The technician took several pictures of my abdomen and then injected the dye through the IV in my arm. My whole body got warm and I felt like I was going to pee the bed. Not a pleasant feeling. Thankfully, I didn’t. He took a few more pictures and was finished.

Several days later, I got an email from my doctor. He couldn’t find any reason why I would be losing and gaining weight like I have been. Bummer. In a way I was hoping he would find something so we could take care of it. So back to square one. Well, actually back to weight loss surgery being back on the agenda. I want to avoid it if I can.

weight loss

Update

So things have changed lately. I”m not on Weight Watchers anymore. I struggled to lose weight on that program and now my hubby and I are on a program called the Plant Based Diet which we got from the How Not to Die book series and cookbook. Several of the recipes are really good but there are some we could easily skip. My husband thought for sure I would lose weight on this diet and I thought I would too.

I weighed myself one morning and found I had lost two pounds. That was great! That’s a start. Then I weighed myself again a week later and I had gained six pounds. This happened again a couple weeks later. I lost two pounds and gained six.

Finally my husband and I looked at water retention and my doctor put me on furosemide. I noticed in certain areas of my body the puffiness did go down. But I’m waiting to see how much and just how much I’ve lost. If I haven’t lost much then my doctor wants to go a different route. He doesn’t like how my weight is fluctuating even though my diet is staying the same.

I just don’t know know what is happening but I’ll keep you updated.

Uncategorized

Scared to Lose

Here I am 36 years old and weigh 286lbs. I’m on Weight Watchers but struggling to lose any weight. My husband and I had a long talk and I think I’m scared to be thin again. You see when I was 20 I was still living with my dad the last of 6 kids. My mothering having died just three years prior. It was just my dad and I for a while. I weighed 133lbs. My dad met this man on Paltalk and my dad went to Canada to visit him. Then my dad brought this man back to the house. My dad told me he was on probation but never told me what for. Before long my underwear went missing and he was taking photos of me all the time. I remember feeling real uncomfortable but didn’t know why. I later learned he was a pedophile. My fear increased and I felt i had nowhere to go. Now today I struggle to loser weight out of fear of being that thin again. What if the same thing happens, like someone takes a picture of me. I’m scared and need to work through therapy to get through this. I have therapy on friday so I will talk about it then.

Are you struggling to lose weight? Look through your life experiences and see if there is something standing in your way.

God bless you on your weight loss journey.

Recipes

0 Point Banana “Brownies”

Okay, so I found a recipe for 0 point banana pancakes, but I messed with it a bit and decided to try “brownies” instead.

I took an immersion blender and blended about 7 small bananas with about 6 eggs. Then sprinkled in nutmeg and cinnamon and poured in some Hershey’s sugar free chocolate syrup.  So I had that all blended and took a ladle, filled it, and poured it into a hot pan. I let it bubble up through like you do for regular pancakes and then tried to flip it. But I it fell apart and I got a big heaping mess. So, with my thinking gear working, I decided to pour the batter into a greased square casserole dish. I baked it at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. I really should have baked them longer for about 30 minutes, but they still turned out good and held their shape.

Now I’d add the recipe but trust me this recipe still needs some work. So once I have the final version ready I’ll repost it with the recipe. Something to consider here is the texture of the these little chocolate banana “brownies” is that it’s dense and eggy on the bottom and lighter and creamier on the top. I’m trying to see if I can get it to be more custard like. It might be hard since the eggs are lighter than the bananas. I have some ideas so I’ll try those and see what happens.

Feel free to leave any suggestions to try in the comments.

weight loss

Fatigue and Excess Weight

Yesterday, I went to the doctor’s office complaining of fatigue. Now I have fibromyalgia and thought for sure I would hear the doctor say it was all related to having fibromyalgia. He said it was part of it but another is caring around the 100+ pounds of extra weight. He referred me to having surgical weight loss due to the amount of weight I needed to lose that Weight Watchers would take a long time to lose. Right now all of my organs are operating well and there are no big concerns except for the weight and that it is make my life significantly harder to live.

My doctor did say to continue to lose as much weight as a I can as it will make the surgery  easier and have less chance of complications.

The first time my doctor made a referral to surgical weight loss I said no and that I would try it myself. Well I got 10 pounds down but I really struggled knowing that I had so much to lose and that it would take me over a year to lose it all.  And even then I wasn’t sure I could do it. I was just hoping I could. So last night’s dinner wasn’t all that appealing:

salad

Just a salad with ice berg lettuce, an apple cut up, diced chicken breast, two clementines, 1 tsp of grated Parmesan cheese and 2 tablespoons fat free Catalina Dressing.

Yes, I started back on Weight Watchers again to try and lose what I can on my own. So this salad only had 4 smart points from the cheese and the dressing. This salad is pretty small and bland from what I usually eat but that’s because I need to go shopping for more foods I can eat while doing WW.

So that is where I stand right now. And I’ll keep updating the blog as a I go. Perhaps I’ll fill it with recipes I think you’ll enjoy and just general updates on how I’m doing with my weight.

Of course, if you have a weight loss story, or struggle with weight loss, I’d be happy to hear from you. You can leave me a comment or send me an email at jansweightlossjourney@gmail.com