weight loss

Hate My Body!

On November 15, 2018 there were parent/teacher conferences going on at my daughter’s school. Our scheduled time was 6:30PM. That’s fine. But what I was worried about was how far I’d have to walk because I knew that if I had to walk a long distance my hips, my lower back, and my feet would hurt. I would also be breathless as I tried to move this 300lb body through the parking lot and down the hallways to her teacher’s room.

At first I was okay but then we just kept walking and I was struggling before we made it the teacher’s room. Thankfully there were chairs placed right outside her door and I took full advantage of one. After about 8 minutes we were called inside and the teacher went over how our daughter was doing in school and she was doing great. Even at a higher reading level than her current grade.

So after that we left and I had to huff and puff my way through hallways, through the parking lot and finally back into the car. I looked at my husband and said, “I can’t do this again.” But then I knew just next week I am going to a weight loss clinic to help me lose all of this weight. My husband wasn’t worried. I”m not saying I was but he had no idea how ashamed and ugly I felt.

I had images of stabbing my body until this fatty outer shell fell off and the thin real me came forth. I know how I got this big, but I didn’t understand it as it was happening. But I can stop it from getting any worse and that is what I’m going to do next week after I get some help in this area. There is no shame in saying you need help to lose weight. Sometimes it’s just harder going it alone. A good support system is key even if your support comes from your medical team who is helping you lose the weight. If you can get family and friends to support you too that is great!

So yeah, I was really hating my body last night and felt horrible. As we were walking through the halls I was afraid my daughter would see someone she knew and they would say something about me being so fat and that it would hurt my daughter or worse yet that my daughter would agree with the other kid! Yikes! That would hurt.

But my kids are another reason I am losing the weight. The first reason is me. I have to do this for me because I’m always doing things for my family and I really need to care for myself. Losing the weight is what I have chosen to do. Wish me luck!

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